Learning is at the heart of any coaching and mentoring relationship. We learn in different ways, through different methods and at different times. Once common factor amongst all individuals is that they all make mistakes and mistakes can be a valuable source of learning. If we accept that mistakes are a valuable source of learning,...
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The authors of the book Difficult Conversations point out that, when we feel constrained from saying exactly what we think, it is the gap between what we are really thinking and what we say that makes a difficult conversation difficult. In essence, we are trying to have two conversations at once. Each difficult conversation is...
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Personal disclosure is an important part of an open, trusting relationship. It allows us to build multiple points of connection, in terms of shared experiences, shared values and shared hopes and fears. Overused, it can have the opposite effect — as anyone will testify, if they find themselves on a train or plane sitting next...
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Even the most experienced coaches and mentors encounter occasional moments of disconnect – points in the learning conversation when they begin to doubt their ability, are unsure how to move the dialogue forward, or feel that they simply aren’t helping the client as well as they might. When you do have such feelings, don’t feel...
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Procrastination is typically a repeating cycle with four stages: Coaches and mentors can help clients break this vicious cycle by firstly helping them to recognise it, then to develop strategies for addressing each stage. When people fail to break the cycle, it is often because they address only part of it – so the process...
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Stress, which affects most people at some point, can be positive or negative. Positive stress makes us alert, focuses our attention, is usually short-lived and can be enjoyable (for example, a fair-ground ride). Negative stress reduces our focus and creates high levels of sustained anxiety. It’s usually easy to recognise the signs of stress. These...
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Strong emotions in a mentee or coachee (for example, anger or grief) can induce panic in the coach or mentor – and the instinct to get back to rational discourse. However, experienced coaches and mentors recognise that their role is to help the learner work through strong emotions. Core guidance in such situations includes: It’s...
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Read More Managing strong emotions in the coaching/mentoring dialogue
In working through personal reflective space, whether alone or with a coach or mentor, the quality of dialogue is critical. The type of questions used, their relevance and their capacity to stimulate reflection and understanding, are all important. So, too, is the nature and depth of reflection – in particular, how well intellectual analysis and...
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Well-managed delegation is one of the core skills of an effective manager. It frees the manager up to concentrate on tasks that really matter, and particularly to shift focus from immediate tactical problems to longer term strategic ones. However, people often find it hard to let go of tasks that could easily be done by...
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SELF-BELIEF/ SELF-ESTEEM/ SELF-CONFIDENCE The research on mentoring, in particular, shows that one of the most powerful things a coach or mentor can bring to the relationship is belief in the client’s ability to achieve great things. The phenomenon is called the Pygmalion effect, after the play by George Bernard Shaw. Essentially, the more belief someone,...
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