Practical Tool

The mentoring conversation provides a safe space to experiment with learning behaviours. As such, it’s to be expected that occasionally, within the context of a challenging learning conversation, either mentor or mentee says something, which causes a negative reaction in the other person. Part of the contracting process at the beginning of the relationship should...

Read More You make a faux pas

If we really attend to what someone else is saying, it’s not that difficult to pick up significant words or phrases. There are four main clues here: If it’s significant, it carries a particular, often emotion-laden meaning for them. Make a mental note (or jot down the word or phrase) and wait for a pause...

Read More Listening skills

Authenticity is one of those irritatingly vague qualities expected of modern leaders – generally seen as desirable but difficult to define or demonstrate. Worse, because it is supposed to be a natural quality, the idea of developing authenticity seems artificial and manipulative. Dictionary definitions tend to describe authenticity as the quality or condition of being...

Read More Helping your coachee or mentee become more authentic

This simple tool provides a structure for thinking about goals and intentions, from the perspective of current and desired identity. The key questions that arise from the matrix below are: • What do I want to be but will never be? (Limitation) • What don’t I want to be and will never be? (Boundary) •...

Read More Dilts’ identity matrix

Coaching textbooks are full of advice for coaches to develop their skills of empathy. It might seem to make common sense, but this advice doesn’t seem to based on any credible evidence. In fact, the contrary may be true — empathy may be a dangerous and unhealthy addiction for the coach and an unhelpful distraction...

Read More How empathetic do you need to be as a coach or mentor?