Many textbooks in coaching and mentoring advise against using questions beginning with why? The reasoning behind this advice is that why questions are more likely to be seen as critical or inquisitorial and to put people on the defensive – and hence get ion the way of their reflection. In Transactional Analysis terms, it tends...
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What kind of learning alliance do you need? The decision tree below will help you think through the options for developmental support. Do you have a clearly defined developmental need? Yes, >>> Could your learning need be met through a training course ? Yes >>> Is there an appropriate course available in the timescale you...
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The better mentor and mentee understand each other, the greater the level of trust and rapport, and the more effectively they can work together. Some of the areas of data exchange that can be most useful include: It can also be helpful to share: It’s important to spread out the sharing of this data –...
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Losing a loved one, or being exposed to a traumatic experience (for example, a violent crime) can give rise to severe mental distress, which in turn can have significant physical symptoms. It’s a situation that requires expert support from a specialist counsellor or therapist, but as a coach or mentor, you can provide additional support,...
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When people have high anxiety about a problem, they often instinctively seek someone else to tell them what to do. In the face of internal confusion and uncertainty, we seek confident direction from an external source. This can be very beguiling for a coach or mentor, because we want to be helpful and useful. However,...
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The instinctive reaction to this situation is for the coach or mentor to back off and suggest that the learner takes a break and comes back when they have dealt with the issues the have taken to counselling or therapy. While it’s important not to get in the way of the therapy or be seen...
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People lose hope when their attempts to bring about positive change result in repeated failure and/or a deep sense that they cannot control what happens to them. When a client of coaching or mentoring presents with an air of helplessness, they initially need an acknowledgement of the world as they perceive it. From this point,...
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What if the coachee says ‘I don’t know’ There comes a point at least once in a coaching conversation, where the coach feels instinctively that the issue is clear enough to pose a powerful question – one that will really make the coachee think and open up new perspectives. Many times, that is exactly what...
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Many mentoring programmes are designed specifically to support diversity objectives. However, in practice difference – in experience, personality, culture, gender and so on – is a driving force in all successful mentoring relationships. If people are too similar in background and experience, there is much less potential for learning between them. On the other hand,...
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Ethical mentoring – where the focus of the learning dialogue is either helping the mentee think through a specific conflict of values or develop greater “ethical resilience” – is demanding of both mentor and mentee. It requires high levels of self-honesty, courage and willingness to explore issues from other perspectives. Questions from mentor to mentee...
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