It’s a question that has occupied philosophers for centuries and one that coaches and mentors often encounter in their conversations with clients. Sometimes, it’s people in the client’s environment, who make stupid decisions; sometimes it’s the client him/herself. But a high proportion of the issues coaches and mentors help people deal with involve smart people...
An increasingly common issue in my supervision is whether and how a coach or mentor can work alongside a therapist. How do you decide when it is appropriate to continue the coaching relationship and when you should withdraw until the client is in an appropriate state of mind to make effective use of the coaching...
Like most human traits, worrying in the normal course of events has benefits, because it raises our awareness of real or potential threats. Compulsive worrying, however, can cause unnecessary stress and have a serious negative effect on performance. At extreme levels, where the person is, for example, unable to make choices or leave the house,...
Being an effective coach requires a continuously expanding portfolio of BDQs – (Bloody Difficult Questions). These are what stimulate the client to reflect and gain personal insight. Equally important, however, are the BDQs we ask ourselves. For example: For whose benefit am I asking this question? Can I do more here by saying nothing? What am (more…)
This article has its origins in several complementary sources: the personal coaching experiences of both myself and my co-authors in 14 books on coaching and mentoring; the experiences of coaches, who I have supervised; and observation of coaches in real plays within coach assessment centres (robust, validated processes for evaluating the competence and “fit” of...
I recently initiated a furious debate on the web about a coaching technique called EFT, by asking whether there was any evidence to support its remarkable claims. The furore – from both detractors and supporters, with “let’s keep an open mind” in the middle – made me reflect on what is and isn’t “legitimate” in the...
Mentoring is all about transitions – foreseeing them, preparing for them, managing them and moving on from them. But mentees often don’t recognise how ready they are for a transition. It’s a bit like outgrowing your clothes, but not doing anything about it because you can still squeeze into them! It’s useful for a mentor...
Eldership: Some Ideas on What, Why and How A brief look on Google revealed a remarkable shortage of information about this topic. The Wikipedia entry focussed on church governance and hadn’t been updated for 13 years. There were no dictionary definitions but there were a lot of biblical ones! The most common themes in these...
The sociopath in the workplace brings frustration and misery to colleagues and to anyone, who tries to manage them. They are manipulative, and expert at both dodging responsibility and shifting conversations to their own agendas. It often takes time to recognise them (not least because they are good at flattery and because we don’t like...
Read More Eight practical tactics for dealing with the office sociopath
Coaching and mentoring conversations frequently run into the brick wall of blame, most often in one of two common forms: self-blame (assuming responsibility for one’s own or other people’s misfortunes) or other-blame (protecting one’s own self-image and reputation by blaming others). Both forms block the client’s ability to be authentic and to make progress. The...