“Relationship droop” – when a promising mentoring relationship falters

A common occurrence in coaching and mentoring is that, after the first flush of enthusiasm, the relationship begins to run out of steam. Both parties are reluctant to take each other’s time, when there appear to be no urgent or significant things to talk about. The initial sense of purpose becomes dulled. Managed effectively, this...

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Setting goals in mentoring: career, developmental, enabling and emotional goals

Having a sense of purpose for the mentoring relationship is essential for focusing the conversations and for maintaining momentum. However, having a very specific goal at the beginning is not necessarily helpful – indeed, it can be harmful! The reasons for this are: Mentees and coachees often bring goals, which are imposed on them, rather (more…)

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Seven dialogues of coaching and mentoring

Being an effective mentor requires a continuously expanding portfolio of MDQs – (Massively Difficult Questions). These are what stimulate the mentee to reflect and gain personal insight. Equally important, however, are the MDQs we ask ourselves. For example: For whose benefit am I asking this question? Can I do more here by saying nothing? What...

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Stepping In, Stepping Out (SISO) Questions

The Stepping In, Stepping Out technique can be very powerful. Here’s some instructions and some sample questions. SISO is best used as an automatic response to “stuckness” in a client. The starting point is Which quadrant is the client caught in? Once you are clear where they are, join them in that quadrant, formulating questions...

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Making difficult choices

Many of the issues people bring to their coaches and mentors relate to difficult choices. The two most common reason choices may be difficult are that: Here are several simple methods of helping them work out what information they need and how to obtain it. Issues mapping Ask them to describe all of the factors...

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Creativity exercises

Colours of the days This is a very simple quick and fascinating exercise to illustrate how people often have different views of the same thing, which is central to understanding empathy and many related concepts. The activity may be used as an icebreaker or larger discussion exercise, for groups of any size and age/seniority, subject...

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Drama triangle

The drama triangle is a useful model from transactional analysis. It depicts the interplay of power and responsibility between people. In the drama triangle there are three roles: When someone asks for help, they can easily fall into the victim role. Anyone who agrees to help becomes a rescuer, but if they are tired of...

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How to use emotional mapping

Emotional mapping is particularly useful in helping a client work through the mix of emotions they are feeling about an issue. It’s rare for a strong emotional reaction to consist of just one emotion, but people tend only to be aware of the most powerful emotions that possess them. Identifying other component emotions can: The...

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Ending the coaching / mentoring session

At the end of the coaching / mentoring session, the learner should leave with a sense of: The coach or mentor should leave with a sense of: All of these outcomes can be enhanced by ensuring that the final few minutes of the session review questions such as: A pitfall the coach or mentor can...

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