Helping the coachee or mentee overcome negative self-talk

When we fail to live up to our potential, one of the most common causes is that our negative internal chatter gets in the way. “I’m going to screw this up”; “I’m not clever enough to do this”; “I don’t deserve to win” and so on. This chatter can be very pervasive and persuasive –...

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Overcome perfectionism

It’s very easy for people to confuse being a high achiever with being a perfectionist – after all, both are trying to do the best job they can. The main difference is that perfectionists’ obsession with doing things right means that they achieve less and have a tendency to micromanage. Micromanagement can lead to ineffectiveness...

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Overcoming survivor syndrome

Survivor syndrome occurs when people retain their jobs during “downsizing”, while colleagues lose theirs. Survivors feel a certain amount of relief, but at the same time they feel some guilt about the fate of their colleagues. It can take many months for people to recover fully and, where they are exposed to survivor syndrome frequently,...

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Raise their self-awareness

For behaviour change to take root, it usually needs to be embedded in self-awareness. Understanding our motivations and inner drives allows us to link what we want to achieve to what we value; the roles we want to grow into to the person we aim to be. Psychometric instruments can be very helpful in stimulating...

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Raise their self-esteem

The research on mentoring, in particular, shows that one of the most powerful things a coach or mentor can bring to the relationship is belief in the client’s ability to achieve great things. The phenomenon is called the Pygmalion effect, after the play by George Bernard Shaw. Essentially, the more belief someone, who you respect,...

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Helping the client manage difficult relationships

Leary’s rose is a simple tool for helping clients understand the dynamics of relationships. The rose is built around two dimensions: Dominance v Submission, and Hostility v Togetherness. Our responses to other people’s stances are either symmetrical (hostility provokes hostility; togetherness stimulates togetherness); or complementary (dominance provokes submission, submission provokes dominance). In a work environment,...

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How to assess commitment to development goals

It often happens that people bring goals to coaching and mentoring, which they feel obliged to accept. Because these goals are externally generated (for example, from the expectations of their line manager, or their spouse), their commitment is likely to be much lower than if the goal were generated internally, meeting their own needs. So...

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How to avoid creating dependence in a learning relationship

One of the recognised dangers of executive coaching / mentoring, however it is sourced, is that the coachee / mentee can come to depend on the coach / mentor to do their thinking for them, rather than develop the skills and habits of thinking for themselves. Dependency can take many forms, including intellectual (solving problems...

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Clean language

Clean Language is a non-directive questioning approach that encourages a different and deeper way of thinking. The term ‘Clean Language’ was developed by David Grove in the early 1980’s, as a way of preserving the client’s experience with minimal interference by the therapist. Clean Language was initially used within the psychotherapy context but it now...

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